Riding the School Bus

I don't think there is anything worse as a parent than seeing your child in pain or struggling, physical or emotional, and not being able to fix it. We've had primarily emotional pains this week and with both boys. It's times like these I feel completely inept as a parent. I know a big part of our job as parents is to teach our kids how to deal with issues themselves and not jump in "fix" things for them but in the moment, it doesn't make it any easier.

Getting Jake to do his home therapy has been getting harder recently and he totally broke down during our session yesterday. He doesn't feel like anything he is doing is working or helping and he just wants to be a normal kid. As an 11 year old, he doesn't have the ability to look at things objectively and see how far he's come, he just sees all the things he can't do. And the thing is, I totally get his frustration. Todd and I talked to him about specific things that he's doing better and offered to show him older video of where he was, but it really doesn't help. He is becoming more aware of his limitations and it's just tough on him. Today, a bunch of kids were out playing in the culd-a-sac, riding bikes and running around. I could see on Jake's face he wasn't doing well so I went and asked him to run some errands with me. We were barely up the driveway when he broke down and said he felt like an outsider and just wants to be able to ride his bike like the other kids. Hard stuff to deal with.

Add to all this, we also have another child who is dealing with his own issues. Some having to do with Jake and some because he's 9. A lot of it is the normal stuff all of our kids go through at one time or another and have to learn how to deal with. There is a whole other layer that is directly related to his feeling about his place and importance in the family. Those are the ones I have the hardest time dealing with. I feel his pain and as much as I try to reassure him, it breaks my heart that he is having those feelings. I am very grateful that he comes to us instead of keeping them all inside, I just wish he wasn't in a situation where he questions his importance in the family.

 On a positive note, Jake accomplished a big personal goal this week...he started riding the bus to school a few days a week. We've had access to the special-ed bus since Jake went back to school due to his mobility issues, but haven't utilized it. For Jake, riding the bus wasn't about transportation to school, it was about doing something he used to do every day and with his friends. Since it's the general bus, we had to get to a point where he could get on and off the bus on his own, parents and school staff aren't allowed on to assist. He was able to practice on a bus before winter break and everyone decided he was good to go.

To add to my stress, it was snowing Tuesday morning so the sidewalks were a little slick, but I wasn't about to tell Jake he had to wait another day. He was so excited and handled it like a champ. As I watched the bus pull away, I was taken back to his first day of kindergarten and had to fight to hold it together. There were so many similarities, his excitement (except he wasn't physically jumping around like he did at five), the independence, and another little bit of me letting go. All signs of progress for him.

And definitely noteworthy today - Yea Broncos! So excited they are in the Superbowl!