It's Been a Month

Jake has now been home one month and it seems like we are still learning something every day. Today I learned it's ok to cry with Jake when he is frustrated and overwhelmed.

When we got home from school I could tell something was bothering him, he was really quiet and just had that look on his face. He ended up bursting into tears because he doesn't understand why everything is so hard.  He's right, a lot of things are harder for him right now that he never used to give any thought to. Walking, using his hand to hold his paper in place, taking the lid off a water bottle, etc.

Today he was referring to some things they were working on in Math, he was just having a hard time getting it. I explained to him that even before his aneurysm there were times he didn't understand things right away and reminded him of some of the struggles he'd had with certain math concepts last year when doing homework. I also told him that not all kids understand new material the first time it's explained and it's ok to ask for help. That's when he really broke down and said "They are working so hard to teach me and I just don't understand and I knew how to do this before. Why does everything have to be so hard?" And with that, I just sat down, hugged him, and cried with him. He's right, just about everything he is doing just to function right now is hard and takes a lot of effort. He has to concentrate and work at everything he does whether it be walking and taking big strides, getting dressed, pushing himself up off a chair, going to therapy....his whole life is about focus and nothing is really effortless anymore. It's a lot to have to deal with and my heart just broke for him today not getting to be a regular 10 year old kid like he was just a few months ago.

Another thing we learned this weekend is that we need to make time for him to socialize. With his schedule as busy and structured as it is, there has been very little time for fun and talking with his friends. He's not riding the bus, going out to recess or eating lunch at school, which are all the times kids socialize. He's pretty much stuck with me for most of the day and a therapist or his home tutor for about an hour a day. He really misses being with his friends. We went to his den meeting for scouts last night and I could tell he was tired, but he wanted to stay and just hang out and interact. It's such a hard balance and one more thing we need to figure out how to fit in so he can have a little bit of normal.

My logical side knows all of this will continue to improve and it's just going to take time, but my heart breaks for the loss of the carefree life he used to have.