Trying to Let Go

As a parent, you always hope you are doing the best thing for your children. Whether that is giving them some independence to figure things out on their own or stepping in to help solve a problem. When you have a child who has had a serious medical issue, it adds a whole extra layer of complexity to many of these decisions.

Jake being 12, almost 13, is at a time in his life when most kids his age start exercising more and more independence. I've seen Jake start to do this in certain areas the past several months. It's hard because due to his stroke there are things he simply cannot do on his own yet for a multitude of reasons, like go to the pool with his friends or hang out at Elitches for the day. I worry at times about him monitoring his stamina. He gets tired easier and doesn't always regulate himself because he wants to be just like the other kids and keeps going and going. I hope that the kids he's with think to slow down or suggest a stop to rest, but that isn't a fair expectation to put on another child, especially at this age.

Some of the things I worry about I'm told are typical for a 12/13-year-old boy and have nothing to do with his stroke. With Jake being our oldest we haven't gone through these stages yet, so what I think is a result of his brain injury, is really just everyday 12-year-old issues. Things like not advocating for himself at school, being unorganized at times, or forgetting a homework assignment. We're trying to implement tools where we talk about an issue at home and how he could deal with is, but he then needs to carry it out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I know I'm more protective and involved at times than I probably should be. With all he's been through, it's hard to let him make mistakes and just figure things out. I don't want to see him hurt, physically or emotionally. Part of is the protective mom thing, he's already been through so much and continues to have challenges every single day, why put him through more. At the same time, I don't want to make life worse for him in the long run because I'm always there.

Ah, the joys of parenting...