We all have bad days

Sometimes emotions hit me completely out of left field and kind of surprise me. I had one of those days about a week ago. When I dropped Jake off at school and watched him walk down the hall, this overwhelming sadness hit me and I had to fight back the tears. There he was by himself with his unique gait and his left arm bent up to his chest going down the hallway to class. All around him kids were walking effortlessly, laughing and talking like kids are supposed to do. I then felt this deep anger that a senseless stroke took away his carefree young life and instead of dealing with everyday teenager issues, he's got a whole extra layer of struggles. It just isn't fair. Even as I sit her writing this and thinking back to that day, tears are streaming down my cheeks. The anger has passed and I am just sad for what will never be...he won't get these years back and is going to have to deal with the repercussions of his stroke for the rest of his life. I know other kids/people have issues they deal with everyday and I recognize that. Everyone has their own struggles and I don't mean to insinuate Jake is the only one who has tough stuff to deal with. But on that day, I was just deeply sad for our son with what he has to go through.

When I got back to the car where Luke was waiting, he could see on my face that I was upset and asked me what was wrong. I told him and we talked a little bit about it. He said he also gets really sad sometimes talking about Jake and has to fight back tears. He told me that he feels guilty sometimes because while he feels really bad that Jake had a stroke, he's glad it wasn't him. I totally get that and told him that was normal. He also said "I am really wise and have a gift that I know how to help people. A lot of my friends come to me for advice, and I help them. So if you ever need to talk to me, you can." It was so genuine and sweet...definitely brought temporary smile to my face. He has really grown up through this ordeal and truly amazes me sometimes.

I'm glad these type of days don't happen too often and that most of the time I'm able to stay positive and be very thankful that Jake is doing as well as he is and at how far he's come. But every once in awhile, I'm going to allow myself the time to be sad, angry, ticked off and whatever other emotions come my way. I think we need to allow ourselves to feel the wide range of human emotions, just can't stay there too long.