Lunch

I had one of those heart wrenching situations this week that all parents hate. I've mentioned in previous posts that Jake has been having some anxiety issues lately. Just before winter break, I started recognizing some patterns of when his anxiety was hitting while at school. He would text me about stomachaches, headaches, nausea, etc. during his rest time at 11:15 and then again at 12:05. I think his rest time was allowing him too much time to think about things and  he would start worrying. At 12:05, he's at lunch...that's what I witnessed on Friday.

I was volunteering in the cafeteria, and at 12:05 they open the doors so the kids who want to can go outside. The entire table of kids he eats with got up and went outside leaving him sitting there by himself. In talking with him these past few weeks, I knew it was happening, but seeing it first hand was a whole different situation and it was tough to see. It was so sad to see this mass exodus and then him sitting at the table all by himself. It took about all the self control I had not to lose it right there in the cafeteria. We've encouraged him to go outside but he doesn't want to. "There is nothing to do and I can't play football with everyone else." While I admire him for not just following along because that's what everyone else is doing, it's also really hard to see him left alone. We all want our kids to fit in and be part of things and it his current differences were so blatant in that moment.

Seeing the situation first hand, I can understand why sitting there by himself those last 15 minutes of lunch has been contributing to some of his anxiety. He'll develop a stomach ache and headache, real or imagined I'm not always 100% sure. I then start getting texts from him. I've found if I can distract him by chatting about something else it helps. I've asked if there is someone else he could go sit with but he says no. (One of the effects of his stroke is lack of initiation in social situations which doesn't help either, add to that, it wasn't really in his nature pre-stroke either.) As I mentioned, he doesn't want to go just sit outside either.

It's in these moments that the enormity of what he copes with every single day really hits home. He doesn't feel "normal," doesn't have as much interaction with his friends in or out of school, truly worries that something else bad is going to happen, and knows he has to work harder than everyone else but still can't quite keep up. While he's going though some changes in middle school, his are different from a lot of the other kids. He isn't ready to start being more independent or "typical pre-teen" and these things are making the gap between him and his peers greater. I honestly don't know how he keeps as good of attitude as he does, it truly amazes me.

I am hoping we have finally found a workable solution to the lunch issue that he can start next week. Instead of resting before lunch, he'll go to homeroom and we'll change his break time to the last half of lunch. That way, when everyone else gets up to go outside, he can leave the cafeteria to chill/rest before his next class. We'll see how it goes...