Should We or Shouldn't We

Back at the end of October, I was feeling antsy for a vacation. I went online and found some great priced tickets to Puerto Vallarta during Spring Break. Todd and I talked about it and decided to go ahead and book it. After all, at the time it was over five months away and we were sure Jake was going to be doing so much better by then. I think our desire to get away was overruling our ability to really look at the reality of the situation. Just to be safe, we upgraded to fully refundable tickets. (Trip insurance doesn't cover cancellation due to a pre-existing condition.)

When February rolled around, Todd and I started talking about whether or not the trip was going to be a good idea. I think it had been gnawing at each of us for awhile and we just didn't want to confront our concerns. Jake hadn't progressed as much as we thought he would have by then and he was having a lot of issues with his walking. We talked about our what our normal vacation days in Mexico look like and tried to figure out how everything would work. One of our favorite things to do is get up early and take a long walk on the beach. The boys are usually in and out of the water and running ahead. Current reality: leg braces aren't very conducive to walking in the sand. We spend a good portion of the day at the pool or beach and the boys are in and out of the water all day long. The resort we are going to is also huge and requires a ton of walking. Current reality: Jake's body doesn't remember how to swim. He can't walk along the pool deck or get into the pool without his brace because his left leg isn't strong enough yet. Later afternoon, we usually head into town for dinner, shopping and do more walking. Current reality: Jake can't walk as far as he used to because he gets tired more quickly.

Our gut was telling us there was a real risk of the trip doing more harm than good. We go on one main vacation a year and didn't want it to be frustrating and emotional for Jake (and also Luke for that matter) because the trip would be vastly different than in years past. At the same time, both boys have been really excited about going and we all could really use a week away. So we were faced with the decision to either cancel the trip and disappoint the boys or go as planned. We wrestled back and forth most of February trying to decide the best thing to do. The one thing we agreed on completely was if we decided not to go, we wouldn't tell the boys it was because Jake isn't as far along in his recovery as we thought he'd be. We didn't want him to feel bad or for Luke have any resentment.

We started trying to come up with ways around some of the obstacles....we could take his wheel chair for some of the distance walking; one of us could be help him in the pool; Todd could carry him across the loose sand down to the more packed sand and we'd just take shorter walks; we could see if there is waterproof/sandproof sock we could put over the brace. The big issue in February was his brace, he only has one and getting it wet wasn't really a very good idea. I talked with his PT's to see if they had any suggestions but we didn't get very far.

Towards the end of February, Jake started his casting and it was decided he would be getting a new brace. Not only should it help with his walking, we'd also have a backup brace he could wear in the pool! The sand was still an issue, but maybe we just spend less time at the beach.

Going through this painstaking process, we've come to the realization that things are what they are, they are different than they used to be (at least for now) and we just need to accept that and move forward with our vacation plans. We'll do the best we can to plan accordingly and try to make things as easy on Jake as possible, but there is no way we can shield him from everything (nor should we). We figured in his excitement to go on the trip, he was likely not thinking ahead as to what the challenges would be, so we sat down with the boys about a month ago to talk about it. As expected, Jake got a little emotional and was worried he was going to ruin the trip for the rest of the us and was sad he wasn't going to be able to do all the things he was used to. As a family, we decided the good reasons to go outweighed the challenges and we are viewing it as an opportunity to get away from work, school, appointments, etc. and enjoy some quality time together in the sun.

Rewind to a week ago, Jake got his cast off and is wearing his new brace which has added another set of obstacles. As you may have read on last week's blog, he is having to readjust to walking without the cast and is having a tough time. He's been working really hard and it's slowly getting better, but he still isn't walking as well as he did before we started the casting. So we'll probably move a little slower and use the wheelchair a little bit more, but that's ok. It's where we are now and we'll deal with it. Very much looking forward to a week away!