I have these moments sometimes when I pause and wonder if everything that has happened to Jake has just been a bad dream. There is no way
our son had a brain aneurysm burst and very nearly died. He hasn't had to go to hundreds of appointments/therapies. He can't really have to deal with the struggles he has every single day. I'm going to wake up and have things back the way they were. Most of the time, I think I have a pretty good handle on our life, so when these thoughts enter my head they honestly surprise me. You would think two and a half years would be enough time to accept the reality of his situation.
I think this most recent round hit me because I was going through old pictures on Wednesday, the night before Jake turned 13. Going through pictures always makes me nostalgic and shocked by how quickly time goes by. When I got to pictures of the weeks leading up to his aneurysm bursting, I found myself getting really emotional. None of us had any way of knowing how drastically things would change on May 31st. I look at those pictures and he was so carefree and happy, like most kids his age. The picture of him in the ocean was a few months before when we were on vacation. I remember he and Luke running in and out of the waves and racing down the beach...they had so much fun together. Jake is so much more catious now and not nearly as carefree. I get sad sometimes wondering what his life would be like now if this had never happened. I think it's normal to have those "what if" moments, but I try not to let myself stay there too long. It doesn't do any good and it's not our reality. I just as easily go to the flip side and then feel guilty becuase I should be (and truly am) thankful that he is doing as well as he is. Things are just different now.
As I look at him now 13, I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. He has incredible strength, fight, and determination. He is quick with a hug, he's gentle and kind. He teases me about how close he's getting to be as tall as me (he's within in about an inch now). He loves his brother more than proabably anyone else on earth and likes to spend time with his family. He's got a great laugh and wonderful smile.
I cannot wait to see what life has in store for Jake...he's going to do great things.
As I look at him now 13, I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. He has incredible strength, fight, and determination. He is quick with a hug, he's gentle and kind. He teases me about how close he's getting to be as tall as me (he's within in about an inch now). He loves his brother more than proabably anyone else on earth and likes to spend time with his family. He's got a great laugh and wonderful smile.